Please tell us about your experiences, we can put them on our website so that other women can see they are not alone. Women can learn an enormous amount from each other. For example, how you dealt with legal authorities; if you claimed compensation; reactions from partners and family; how you coped with your kids; what health services you were able to get. The following questions might help you describe your experiences:
Women's views and experiences ... I had been raped and buggered from being a virgin when I was quite young and had contracted somewhere in the number of four STD's by the serial rapist. WAR has been a great support for my family who were devastated by my attack. Since my attack, it has been an incredible battle for me to continue my education and leisure pursuits (sports) at times due to the problems of discrimination and harassment that I have had to face from being a rape survivor. WAR have helped me to fill out university medical forms where the situations of health have to be declared. They have helped me to stop a karate instructor harassing myself and women and girls... ... I'm a 20 year old asylum seeker from Kosovo. I've been in a lot of stress because of what happened to me back in Kosovo. I have about 4 years in this country and my life here was very difficult until half a year ago when I started to attend the Women Against Rape sessions... I couldn't talk about my problems with anybody else before and it was a relief for me to find them... ... I found out the number for rape crisis myself when I contacted them I was told it would be months before they could contact me as there was a long waiting list. During the time I was waiting I read about WAR in Bella magazine... they didn't say we are too busy they talked to me at length. Over the following months and years even they were always there when I needed them, to know that I could telephone or drop in was a great help... ... I have been so many places. They don't want to know my problems, because immigration attached with it. Later I met Women Against Rape. They are people really there for me. They counsel me every now and then because I was so traumatized... ... I could never put into words just how important WAR's advice and support was to both my family and myself when I was raped by a police officer in London last year. Without your continual help, I'm not sure I could have secured the conviction of my attacker. It makes me so angry that such an important and dedicated organisation as Women Against Rape are offered such little support from the government and institutions, our country seriously needs to review it's priorities... ... I was extremely traumatized
by the violence I experienced, the murder of my son who was almost killed in
my presence. I was suffering from rape by soldiers, I was in deep
thoughts about separation from my other children who remain in Uganda
without saying bye-bye. ... I can't
imagine where I would be today without all the help you gave me before,
during and after my court case. ... I am a
woman who has been helped immensely by Women Against Rape over the past
few years. After my father died, I was left in a very vulnerable
state and was easily taken advantage of by a violent boyfriend who hit me,
raped me, and tortured me mentally. With WAR's help I was able to
leave him and find alternative housing. Their personal dedication
and attention to detail I found nowhere else, not even among my close
friends or family. One time women from WAR had to escort me to a car
while he harassed me, after he had been waiting outside for hours until I
left. ... WAR helped me with the legal side of my situation, and the women there also helped me emotionally, mentally. At the time I was suicidal. I know I would not have survived if it wasn't for them. So many women do not even report rape as they can't face the trauma of court and ... the very low conviction rape for rapists... ... I am a lesbian woman from Romania where I was raped, first when I was a teenager and later by the police. I came here on 2nd March 2001 and I was in detention for 7 months. After I got out of detention I met Women Against Rape. They helped me with my lawyer, with my accommodation and they came to court with me... ... I write to thank WAR for your help in bringing my attacker to the forefront of police attention. Had it not been for your help, guidance and support, my situation would have got far worse than it currently is, and my attacker would have continued to assault me without any repercussions... ... after my rape WAR made me feel more like a person not just a woman who had said she had been raped. They believed me which is very important to me and other women like me. Not only have they listened but have been able to take me through step by step what can happen if I go to court. . . . Like so many other women this can be very upsetting, but with their support you feel like you can go through with it as they are there for you all the way, and you are not alone. But now my case will never go to court, and I feel very let down by the government and the way rape is ignored by the police and other powers that be. With Women Against Rape helping me, as always, giving me hope knowing I'm not alone, and that they are going to get justice one day. They have all been a great help with the Criminal Injuries Compensation claim. I have been turned down once but WAR helped me to fight on, and are still doing so now, they have told me never to give up hope... ... I was leaving an abusive marriage, and for years had been severely depressed and troubled after being raped by a white man who I'd gone out with, when I was young. I believed no one would believe me, had tried to blank out the attack, and had never been able to speak to anyone about it, until I met WAR. Because it is multi-racial with strong anti-rape and anti-racist principles, it spoke to my experience as a Black, immigrant woman and I felt welcome. Even today this is rare, because anti-rape groups rarely deal with race issues and anti-racist groups don't deal with rape... ... I wanted to let you know how much WAR has helped me through my personal crises... I was raped on 1 January 2001; I called many agencies including the Samaritans and found that they had no idea of what action could be taken against my rapist. I eventually called Victim Support and they gave me your telephone number. I asked them at the time what WAR does, I was told that WAR were the best in the field... The support given has been fantastic, WAR has attended police stations with me, talked me through procedures, put me in touch with other survivors, liaised with some very unhelpful police officers, attended court for my injunction, ensured that I was given security at my home, made complaints on my behalf and attended meetings at the Wood Green Crown Prosecution Service with me. Your organisation has made so many calls on my behalf, I really do not know how to thank you for all your help... ... When I was first raped I felt helpless, I had many questions, emotions and frustrations whizzing around in my head and no answers. I had to make decisions and no one could do this except for me. I had to decide whether to prosecute my ex partner and the implications that would have on our son and his future... We spoke for over half an hour, and the advice I was given made things a lot clearer, so I was able to make my decisions knowing things I didn't know before... ...I had the chance for the first time, to talk to someone who, rather than dismissing me, let me tell part of my story, listened and assisted me to think about possible legal or other course of action. Last year I went to an inner London police station to ask about possibilities of reporting a rape that happened outside this country. The first thing that I was asked by the (female) police officer on duty, when I told her where the rape happened, was "Were you drunk at the time?" I had not told her any details of what happened... ... I was so profoundly affected by the way I was treated by the whole criminal justice system and the police in particular that it has taken me some time to move on in my life. I am so grateful for WAR because I was actually believed. Actually I feel, apart from my friends, that WAR was the only organisation that really understood what I was going through. Apart from the excellent legal advice and the fact that you referred me to a sympathetic female Legal Aid solicitor, the counselling that I received from WAR was second to none. As a professional counsellor who works for local government I would not hesitate to take on any member of WAR as a member of my counselling team. I felt your counselling was led by the needs of the client and at no time did I feel under any pressure to follow any particular course of action. I was offered legal options and emotional support... On the civil side my solicitor got Legal Aid for me and sent a letter warning my abuser to stop harassing me. With both these measures in place the harassment stopped and he has not contacted me since, neither have any of his friends. ... ... In 1994, when my then boyfriend got to hear about the abusive situation I had been in for three years, he was furious. He was so angry that he wanted to go round there and kill the guy. I was terrified. I had no idea what I could do to resolve the situation. It had taken me many years to get this far to admit it to anyone, and the one person I thought I could trust was focusing all his energies on the perpetrator and not giving me any support. Thankfully, I heard about Women Against Rape, and the first thing they did was give me counselling support. They gave me space to think about what I wanted to do about the situation. They gave my boyfriend the reassurances he needed, but gently reminded him that any action would be my decision. They helped me through the process of reporting the situation to the police, and were always there when I had to go through the difficult details. They acted as a buffer and the primary contact for the police which meant I received information in a sensitive way. Except one time when the police called me directly and spoke to me until I was in tears, then discussed the case with my boyfriend in a very inappropriate way -- if it had not been for WAR I am in no doubt that I would have had to deal with the police like this on a regular basis, and it would have been even more distressing for me. The agenda of the police is not the interests of the victim, I understand that they need to be neutral, so it is very important that there is someone there who knows how the process works, how the police are, but is in direct empathy with the survivor. Although the CPS turned down my case, I continued to receive unconditional support from WAR whenever I needed it. They had let me know all the way along what was happening and what the outcome could be at various stages, so when the news was tough, I was at least ready for it... ... I am Ugandan by Nationality.
I left my country due to political reasons i.e. I was raped, beaten and I
was physically and psychologically affected because I was separated from
my son and partner in Uganda. I suffered from depression, which
wasn't easy at all. ... The help that WAR have given
me over the last seven years has been invaluable. ... It can be very difficult for
someone like me who has suffered a lot not to have somewhere to go where
you feel welcome and can talk to someone who understands you. Apart
from counselling, WAR has provided extra support especially talking to my
legal representatives when they have neglected my asylum claim, including
pointing out a letter from the Home Office threatening me with deportation
which had been ignored by my representative. I could not find help
like this from any other organisation, but this was crucial for me.
Lawyers can be intimidating if you have a language barrier but having a group
like WAR can be of great help and personally I have benefited from
this. Also WAR has provided letters of support, which have been very
crucial in my immigration case and without such letters I wouldn't have
been able to put down my ordeal in writing... ...Throughout my childhood I was sexually and physically abused as part of a large-scale pedophile ring operating in London. Family members, friends of my parents and their associates were also involved, including police officers, doctors, and teachers, all of whom are still in their professions... For over a year now, Women Against Rape have been supporting me by corresponding with senior officers involved in the investigation in an attempt to obtain convictions and justice in my case... |